The title of this blog post has sort of summed up how I have felt lately. I am ending my fall semester of my senior year and my favorite team is going to the national championship!!!! Sorry I had to say it. Since I have last updated my blog my best friend has gotten engaged!!!! Shelby is actually getting married. I always knew she would be the first but it made me really sad when I thought about it. I am happy beyond words for her and I know this is not the end of our friendship but now she is part of another pair that does not include me. Her husband to be is amazing and I know they are beyond perfect for each other. So now we are in the process of planning her beautiful wedding.
I am trying to figure out what to do after graduation and that part is the most confusing of them all. Where am I going to be happiest? So the "Smile and Wave" part is how I feel. Ignore the fact that I have to get a job and just smile and wave and have a good time. Which is obviously not the best choice and plan to have. Hahaha.
I have been wrestling with the fear of having to grow up and move somewhere where I know no one or staying in Tuscaloosa or moving back out to Wyoming. It is taking me longer to realize that I have got to find the faith that what is suppose to be will be and I may or may not end up in a place that I want to be in but I am there because that is where I am suppose to be at that time in my life. SO I have come to the conclusion that my FAITH must be much bigger than my FEAR, if that makes any sense. It sounds very cliche and generic but my mom has always told me that what is meant to be will be. This part of my life will pass by and I will move on but I need to know that planning is not such a bad thing. I guess the fear of me not taking full advantage of my last year at Alabama if standing in the way of me planning my future. I need to grow up and face everything that I need to face while I still have time to do so. I have been needing something to truly believe in and what I needed to believe in the most was right in front of me. ME. I will believe in me.
Soooo about 1 year ago my mom gave me this book called moxie. She kept saying, "You're my little moxie". I never really understood what she meant until I finally read this book. Its a little orange book of about 30 pages and makes the most sense of anything I have ever read or heard. I am a very confident person if you dont know me.So for me, this was "pumping me up" if you will. This book has so much truth in it. Some of the quotes are yes, very cheesy but very truthful. Some of the quotes are:
-Give me a place to stand and I will move mountains.
-If its me against 48, I feel sorry for the 48.
-Dont let yesterday use up too much of today.
Okok I know but these quotes got me through a lot. I would carry around this little orange book all the time and read it when I needed to be reminded of how awesome I was. That seems very conceited but its true. I am awesome. I am worthy of more than I give myself credit for. Ok this isnt the point of this blog to rant about how perfect I am. Joke. But one of my friends called me tonight and said they were battling with something and having a hard time being patient and I started to give them advice about how you have to know that everything is a part of a big plan that you were meant to carry out and succeed. I am a patient person when it comes to the small things. In the big picture, I am very unpatient . I want things to happen when I want them to. So I can sit there and tell everyone else to be patient and to know that what happens does so because it all has to. Well thats not fair of me. So i am learning to be patient. Not with the small things but the big things. Because no matter what I do or how I do them, its not me who paints my big picture.
One of my good friends Samantha just got engaged and I was so weirded out to think that she had found the one person who she was never going to run out of things to talk about with. I thought to myself, "Im alone," not like literally, but I do not even remotely know who that is going to be for me. I started to think about all my friends and how they have a good idea of who they want to be with forever. Oh shit. Well then I thought about the fact that I also have a lot of friends who dont have someone. And that made more sense to me because I was refreshed with the fact that I am not alone. because if we are all alone, we are all in that together too.
So it has been a while since I have updated my blog but there has been a lot going on. I have learned to let it go in the best way I know how. I am back to a very happy place and am enjoying my senior year more than I ever thought was possible. I have been trying this thing where I find the positive and beautiful in everthing. There is something beautiful in EVERYTHING. Something good will come out of every negative situation regardless of how upset or mad you are in that given moment. This past weekend I traveled to Lubbock, Texas to visit a friend and Miles made the comment to me that he was so happy that I was able to see the beauty of where he lived the way he saw it. When you think of northwest Texas its not what you would think of beautiful. We went our to his ranch not far outside of Lubbock and on the way there it was raining and I was playing on the Ipod the whole time and didnt hardly look up on the way. We played around all day and rode 4 wheelers and such. It came time to leave the rain clouds started to roll away right as the sun was setting. As we were leaving, me being the diva I am, asked him to stop so I could take pictures. I got out his camera and went to town. Its the most beautiful thing I have seen since Wyoming. It made me come back down to earth again and realize that I do not need to be worried about next years plans ( well a job yes) but to be in the present. Be present. It sounds so dumb and cheesy but Im never going to get this back. Everrrrr. So as we were taking pictures, you couldnt have wiped the smile off of my face. I was so genuinely happy and I realized I had almost forgotten how that felt. I have the most amazing friends and family in the entire world and there is no reason for me to ever complain.
So my best friend since childbirth, Shelby Jordan, has taught me how to be happy my entire life but since she went to Auburn and I went off to Alabama we dont get to be together as much. Since we were 2 years old that girl has been my very best friend. We think just alike. When we get together its never about, how shitty school is or boy problems or drama back at fort payne, its always time to laugh. Im pretty confident that there has never been a time that we were together and havent laughed so hard we are crying. I have never missed someone so much when we went off the college but me and her have maintained such a good relationship throughout college. Everytime someone has broken up with me or made me mad or done something to piss me off, Shelby always knows what to say, whether I realize that a that time or not. She will tell me, "Thats dumb, Allie. You dont need that" or " You better be glad it happened now than later." She has always been so happy and she always will be. I have no idea what I would do without her constantly reminding me what it is like to be happy. She is my best friend in the whole world and more people need to get friends like her. I am posting some pictures of Lubbock, where we were taking pictures and they dont do it half the justice but it was absolutley humbling to watch.
Ok most of you may or may not know that i have spent the last two summers in Jackson Hole, Wyoming working on a guest ranch called Moose Head Ranch. Me and one of my best friends (Liz Jordan) applied to work out there together for the summer of 2010. We both got the job and it wasnt anything that I thought it would be. I immdiately fell in love with everything that Moose Head had. I met two of my best friends now, Pierson and Sarah, and had the summer of my life. I was a prep chef i guess you could say. I did a lot of prep work for the chefs there a moose head and loved every single minute of it. After that summer I was in a very serious relationship and knew I could never do that to Will and I's relationship ever again and decided i was not going to return to Moose Head for a second year. I came back to school and had a wonderful semester. December rolled around and life pretty much got in the way. I learned the hard way about a lot of things and about a lot of people in my life. Thats wheh I pretty much knew God was trying to tell me that I wasnt ready. I wasnt ready for anything i thought i was. Me and Will broke up. I decided to return to Moose Head for a second season. That was a verryyyy hard time in my life and I learned more than I ever thought I would. The thing i had to realize then was that its not my plan. I do not run the show. I cant picture my life in 10 years how i want it to be and just expect it to fall into my hands. Im not saying that i have fully grasped that concept yet, because i certainly havent but i think all of the things happend to me because they had to. Ive pretty much had to let go and say "Heres my life and take it where you will" because doing it on my own was onviously not working. I returned to Moose Head. Boyy ohhh boyyy did i have any clue what would happen this summer. I didnt ever want to have to say that one summer out weighed the other but it did. Me and sarah became closer than i ever thought possible. We are the exact same person. that didnt take us very long to realize. I met a guy that is one of the most awesome peolpe i have ever met and still think he is. Matt and I started to hang out and did so the rest of the summer and may not have gone about it in the right way but some times that happens. At the end of the summer I, of course, died a little inside because i was the happiest I had ever been in my life and was having to leave the most beautiful place on earth. and some of the most amazing people ever. Me and Matt had to decided to try and make a long distance work. He goes to Va tech and thats 9 hours away from tuscaloosa. As im sure youve guessed it didnt seem to be that easy. We have since split ways but I will always think he is a great person. Maybe cupid should have thought about shooting BOTH of us next time. This summer taught me to be exactly who you want to be because pretending to be something else is exhausting. Its God's plan. Not mine. I dont call the shots but i am going to get to have an honest effort at doing as much good as possible while im here.
I figure a lot of people who know me are very confused as to why i wanted to start a blog. i could list reasons all day but this past week and weekend really did a number on me. if you know me then you know i have never been alone. i mean, maybe there was 2 or 3 months where i didnt have a boyfriend but for the majority of high school and college, i have had someone. i think this will be a good place for me to put a lot of what im feeling if that makes any sense. i live with two doctors pretty much. Meg and Carson. two people who have literally made my college experience retarded/awesome/outofcontrol. meg who is in nursing school and is one of the smartest people i know. btw, my thoughts are very jumbled and i am not very good with grammar. and carson. well i mean i could pretty much write a book on what me and her have been through but that will come later. shes the freakin bomb. i have a family that i could not live without. blah blah blah, i know everyone says that but i do. i have a mom who is my best friend in the entire world and who waves with two hands and is the happiest person i know. its like she lives off sunshine. really. and a dad that im identical to. he may beg to differ. he is also the smartest person i know. there isnt a question in this world that he couldnt answer. i have a brother and a sister who are 10 years older than me. my brother and i have a good relationship and he pretty much makes me laugh about anything. i admire him a lot. and my sister. okay she isnt my BLOOD sister but she is basically my sister. her and my brother have been dating for 25 years or something and are married now with 2 beautiful smart little girls. ansley, who is 5 and baylor who is 3. the literal light of my life. so basically this blog is going to be a recap and a continuum of my crazy life. the name of my blog is scissors flying for a reason. think about it. im looking forward to this and hope that whoever takes the time to read it enjoys it too. maybe your life is similar to mine and will give you a sense of relief or laugher. either way, i think this is going to be fun.
I have been wrestling with the fear of having to grow up and move somewhere where I know no one or staying in Tuscaloosa or moving back out to Wyoming. It is taking me longer to realize that I have got to find the faith that what is suppose to be will be and I may or may not end up in a place that I want to be in but I am there because that is where I am suppose to be at that time in my life. SO I have come to the conclusion that my FAITH must be much bigger than my FEAR, if that makes any sense. It sounds very cliche and generic but my mom has always told me that what is meant to be will be. This part of my life will pass by and I will move on but I need to know that planning is not such a bad thing. I guess the fear of me not taking full advantage of my last year at Alabama if standing in the way of me planning my future. I need to grow up and face everything that I need to face while I still have time to do so. I have been needing something to truly believe in and what I needed to believe in the most was right in front of me. ME. I will believe in me.
